Am I Okay?

By Miriam Weiser

“You’re not as good a liar as you think you are.”

I turned away as she said that. My best friend knew me better than I thought. “You don’t need to hide your true thoughts,” she continued. “It’s been a difficult few month.”

“I’ve been luckier than most,” I answered.

“That has nothing to do with you. You don’t get to measure other people’s problems with yours.”

“I know.”

“But do you really? Then why’d you just tell me you’re okay?”

How could I explain that to the friend who lost a parent to a deadly virus? How could I complain to someone who had nine kids at home for three months, when I only had three kids at home during this time? How could I wrap my head around the fact that though it’s been difficult, my own experience wasn’t nearly as bad, even incomparable, to so many people out there. I didn’t feel worthy of sympathy. Because during this time so many good things have happened in my life.

What I truly feel is the need to be grateful for my lot. We had exciting births in the family. We had weddings. No one in the immediate family was sick at all. Business went on pretty much as usual since remote working was easy for the type of work we do.

Still, many emotions, some I can’t fully understand, keep warring around in my head. Now that the kids are back at their programs, and the house is quiet for a few hours, I can’t seem to do the…